• Southern Sayings

  • There are lots of sayings that purport to be of Southern origin. Perhaps not all of them are. This collection is “curated” to include those that sound like they are original Southern sayings, even though they may have originated somewhere else. Our culture is so homogenized, sometimes there’s no way of knowing.

    So, I’ve eliminated the ones that don’t just sound right and I’ve eliminated the ones that are overused. The nature of this beast is that not everyone will agree with what is included and excluded. Of course, anyone can start their own collection.

  • Does a fat baby fart?

    Grinning like a mule eating briars

    Hotter than forty hells

    Quivering like a dog shitting a peach pit

    Feel strongly both ways

    Gag a dog on a gut wagon

    Gag a maggot

    Fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

    Rode hard and put up wet

    He’ll piss on your shoes and tell you it’s raining

    Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest

    That dog won’t hunt

    Slicker than deer guts on a door knob

    So dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if you told him the directions were on the heel

    If I had a dog as ugly as him, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backwards.

    He’s a good ole dog but sometimes he shits too close to the porch

    No dog in that fight

    Make your tongue slap your brains out

    I like a gal where her skin fits a little better.

    I may not be able to cut the mustard any more but I can still lick out the jar

    Quicker than a hummingbird’s fart

    Sharp as a bowling ball

    Tight? If it cost a quarter to shit, he’d throw up instead

    About as much as a tomcat needs a marriage license

    Ain’t even wore the tips off the tires

    Another wit and you’d be a halfwit

    Since Moby Dick was a sardine

    Ass is so tight you couldn’t  drive an eight penny nail in it with a 10 pound sledgehammer (and a jar of Vaseline)

    Blind in one ear and can’t see out of the other one

    Can’t never could do nothing

    Confused as a termite in a yo-yo

    Couldn’t hit the side of the barn from the inside with all the doors shut

    Cuter than a bug’s ear

    Dance with who brung you

    Dead as disco

    Doin’ the green apple two-step

    Don’t worry about the mule, son, just load the wagon

    Feed him with a long handled spoon

    She was alive back when the Dead Sea was just sick

    He ain’t worth the powder and fuse it would take to blow him up

    He got picked before he was ripe

    He had a look on his face like a rat eating off a wire brush

    He is as honest as he needs to be 

    He is so tight only dogs can hear him fart

    He ran like a scalded dog

    He’s so skinny, he’s got to run around in the shower to get wet

    He’s so ugly, when he was a baby his mom carried him upside down for a year thinking he only had one eye

    His daddy must have also been his granddaddy

    I want it so quiet in here I can hear a mosquito peeing on cotton

    I have to get better just to die

    If I’d ordered a dozen sons of bitches and they sent me only him, I wouldn’t feel shorted

    If if’s and but’s were fruit and nuts, it would be Christmas every day of the year

    if I don’t light your fire, your wood is wet

    If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it

    If you’re not the lead dog the scenery never changes

    If you taped his mouth shut, he’d fart himself to death

    Slap you so hard when you wake up your clothes will be out of  style

    I’ll slap you so hard you’ll be smiling out of your back end

    I’m not sure I understand all I know about it

    It ain’t no fun when the rabbit’s got the gun

    It rained so much, the river got so high you could see under it

    It’s so cold the lawyers have their hands intheir own pockets

    Mosquitoes big enough to stand flat-footed and screw a turkey

    Now you’re digging where there’s taters

    Venereal disease is nothing to clap about

    She can’t help being ugly but she could of stayed home

    She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

    Sliced so thin it has only one side

    He could eat corn on the cob (or an apple) through a keyhole slot or, through a tennis racket, or thru a picket fence or chain link fence

    So far up the holler, they have to pipe some light in

    Tastes so good it’ll make your tapeworm stand up and bark

    Quick enough to turn around and kick himself in the ass

    I’m so dry I’m farting dust

    That’s your ass talking, ’cause your mouth knows better

    That kid could tear up an anvil with a rubber hammer

    The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s ass all the time

    I deny the allegations and I defy the allegators

    You couldn’t whip half my ass if the other side was helping you

    You’re as quick as grandma running backwards

    You’d rather sandpaper a bobcat’s ass in a phone booth than mess with me

    You need either to say a whole lot more or a whole lot less about that

    When you're in a hole, stop digging

    Hell to pay, plus interest 

    Gooder than grits

    Fast as a knife fight in a phone booth

    Not wound real tight

    Sure as a cat has a climbing gear

    You can't tell nobody nothing that's never been nowhere

    Busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

    If he had any more sense he'd be dangerous

    If enough people tell you you're dead you ought to lie down.

    Looks like he's recovering from an autopsy.

    Bingo wings, Bye-bye arms, Hi Betty's (or Helen, or whomever), Jello arms, Water wings

    (Drink) went down the wrong throat

    Hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit.